Life & Relationships

Why you need to stop falling for his mixed signals

men giving mixed signals

Mixed signals. It’s a common thing in dating, if I may say. There will come a time where we’ll meet a person who kind of shows interest to us, but actions often tell the other way around. It is frustrating and totally confusing, thinking if it’s all just in your head, not knowing how to actually respond to it. It’s not fun to be led on to somewhere with no clear vision.

I’m writing this post after talking to a friend (let’s call her Rose, not her real name) who asked me for advice about this. I mean, I am not in the position to actually talk about dating since I barely have experience but I do have met people who kept giving confusing signals, and I have friends who have dealt with it as well.

What are the examples of mixed signals?

  • He’s been texting you for a while but then one day he leaves you unread, and then returns the next few days
  • Tells you to stop dating other men because he doesn’t want to see you with someone else but doesn’t even take you out on a date
  • Romantic gestures but not telling you why they’re doing it in the first place
  • They keep checking on you when he’s not your boyfriend
  • He acts so sweet with you while he’s active on dating apps
  • Tells you “I don’t like to be in a relationship yet” but acts like an out-of-place possessive boyfriend

There are plenty of men doing this and I don’t know if they are even aware of it, but the point is, you need to stop thinking about it because it’s basically going nowhere.

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mixed signals from guys

It’s not worth the stress

My friend, Janela, shares her thoughts on these kinds of guys, “Dealing with them is a waste of time. You end up thinking and thinking, ‘what does it mean?’ or ‘does it mean he likes me?’ and you’ll rant to your friends until it becomes a cycle whenever he gives you confusing signals.”

I know humans like solving puzzles, but spare yourself from guys who cannot even solve their own feelings for someone. People who give mixed signals may have their own reasons why they keep on doing it, but it’s really not worth your time, let alone your mental health. We may like analyzing things because we want to know the answers by ourselves, but know when to stop. Free yourself from overthinking so they won’t have the chance to play with your heart.

They’re not that interested at all

A hard to swallow pill, but mixed signals is a clear statement that he’s not really interested. They like you to a certain extent but there’s a higher chance they won’t go about it too seriously as much as you do. It’s kind of “I appreciate you, but not so much” signal. They are intentionally or unintentionally trying to keep you on the leash and pull you towards them when they want your attention.

Most of all, if he’s really into you, they will let you know transparently and honestly, and I believe we all deserve that.

Related: Learn to speak your partner’s love language

They do it for an ego boost

“Over the years, I learned that if someone throws you curve balls it just means they’re playing with you. He’s only willing to go half-way. He’ll give you his attention but only during the times that it’s convenient for him. He’s just using you for your attention and for an ego boost,” shared Sherlenne, another good friend of mine.

When guys give you mixed signals, chances are they just feel better about when they know they have your time and attention. So don’t give them that, which I will explain further in the following paragraph.

You give them the relationship benefits

Based on my observation, the reason why people continue to give mixed signals is that we allow them to do so. We tend to give them the perks of being in a relationship without actually letting them know what their boundaries are.

Rose told me that her male best friend stops her from dating other men just because it makes him feel jealous. And for some unknown reasons, he’s not even pursuing her. To keep their friendship at peace, she doesn’t romantically engage with other guys which I think is wrong. She’s setting aside her own happiness just to not offend her possessive male friend. Men will keep doing this towards you if you continue letting them – put him in his place and don’t get fooled by his gestures.

You deserve better

I won’t explain this further but there is plenty of fish in the sea, much better than the guy who keeps on giving confusing actions. You can do better than deciphering everything he does. Remember that all the love you can give should be saved for someone who’s actually willing to be with you. Don’t let guys manipulate you, and have the courage to confront them to burst their bubble.

Have you encountered a man like this? Tell me your thoughts!

(24) Comments

  1. Healthy Smoothies says:

    Thank you for this,true it’s a hard pill to swallow but needed to be said.

  2. Oh man I could have written this post in my dating dates! It’s a complete minefield.

    I’m a pretty straight up person but forget that others are not the same. It’s the reason I deleted all dating apps sometime before I met my partner.

    I was getting to jaded by it. This post offers brilliant advice x

    1. I guess no women is safe from these kind of men 😀 Thank you for reading, Claire!

      1. Some of your examples of sending mixed messages seem more like red flags of abusive behaviour, and if you seem them at the start of dating, run

  3. I needed to read this today! I think we always accept things that if we were giving a friend advice we would not allow them to stand for. Sometimes you just need a reminder!

  4. I agree that you shouldn’t put up with mixed signals, especially if it’s something that’s affecting your own self-esteem and feeling towards a relationship 🙂

  5. Brooke says:

    I love this post! Far too many women (and men) put up with way more than they should. It is much better to be alone than be strung along by someone who is not right for you. Thank you for sharing this important message.

    1. Thank you for reading! x

  6. Ah yes, a harsh reality for us all unfortunately. You’re very right. Great post!

  7. I second everything you said. I met these kinda guys before. It’s frustrating and I don’t want to waste my time and energy anymore.

  8. This can be such a difficult situation, especially when you’ve already fallen for the guy, but these things are so true! Let us go before you get hurt even more!

  9. Hear, hear! Thank you for this. I will share it to my friends who are experiencing some of these. I always tell them that communication and clarity is important. If a guy can give you neither, then it’s better to let him go.

    1. Thank you! Hope your friends realize that they always deserve better x

  10. I love this so much! Men can be so icky – and they definitely LOVE an ego boost. Forwarding this to some of my friends xx

    1. Thank you! 😍

  11. These are some really important points – and ones I wish I had known a few years ago! It’s so frustrating – and completely agree that everyone deserves better than being almost led on.

    Paige // Paige Eades

    1. Really important points , amazing post. Love is never mixed if it is, it is.

  12. I’m not in the dating scene (and haven’t been for a long time) but this kind of behaviour from someone is a huge red flag to me. At best (which it definitely isn’t a good thing), it’s someone who has you as an option and isn’t really invested in you, and at worst it is an indicator of a potentially manipulative and abusive person. If I got even a whiff of this I’d no longer pursue any interest in them. Never, ever accept someone treating you like this. Really interesting post — thanks so much for sharing!

  13. Amber Page says:

    This is such an important post! I completely agree with everything you said!

    Amber – The Unpredicted Page

  14. My most recent mixed signals experience was someone I crossed paths with regularly who kept saying he wanted to go on a date but never asked for my phone number or other contact info. Some mixed signals can be red flags of a bad partner like if anyone tries to control who you interact with or emotionally manipulate you when you interact with men. I’m a big advocate for knowing our worth as women and knowing that we don’t need to make compromises for that type of behaviour. 🙂

    1. Thanks for sharing 🙂 Gestures like these are indeed red flags and one has to run as soon as they see it haha. Yes to women knowing their worth! x

  15. sothstylee says:

    What a great article!
    Sometimes we ignore all the red flags because we often forgets our worth!
    Always settle more, not less 🙂

  16. I have been ignoring these qualities in a guy that I like for a while and it needs to stop. This is a great post! Teaching yourself to expect more from people is important.

  17. Yes,, yes, yes… you’ve nailed it with these tips!

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