Have you ever felt like you’ve been doing special things for your loved ones but they don’t seem to fully appreciate it? It’s disappointing, I know. Nobody likes their efforts to go down the drain, especially when it’s for someone special. But have you ever considered if these actions speak their love language?
Ask yourself: are these the things YOU love doing or things that YOUR PARTNER loves to receive?
If your answer is the first one, it’s most likely that your partner does not have the same love language as you do. It doesn’t mean he does not truly love you—just that they want to feel loved differently.
What is love language and why it matters
Love language is basically a classification of how a person would like to be loved and how they express it. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages®, there are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
Learning your partner’s love language can help strengthen your relationship. This can be a challenge for new couples, but for long-term relationships, knowing how your partner wants to be loved should be a piece of cake. There are two things (in my opinion) that you can do to identify their love language.
- First, try showing them different acts of love which I will share later, and observe how they will respond to each of them. Chances are, the act they’re happiest with shows their love language.
- Another yet best option would be to have a heart-to-heart discussion about it and straightforwardly ask them how they’d like to be loved; make sure to tell them yours, too. That way, the couple would know how to improve the relationship by themselves.
Now, if you have already learned your partner’s love language and looking for things you can do for them, here’s a list that may help you.
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Words of Affirmation – love shown by words; say things that you really mean not just for the sake of it
- “I miss you every day”
- “Thank you for sending me home”
- “I really appreciate you:
- “I am always here to support you”
- “You can do it!”
- “I feel lucky for finding you”
- “Thank you for supporting me”
- “Thank you for understanding me”
- “I feel blessed to have you”
- “You’re beautiful”
- “You smell nice”
- “Your smile makes my day brighter”
- “You’re wonderful”
Acts of Service – love shown by doing something for your partner; only do things you really can
- Give them a massage
- Do the laundry for them
- Wash the dishes
- Help clean the house
- Post a creative dedication card on social media
- Do the grocery shopping
- Cook them food
- Drive them home
- Help them with their work or homework
- Order food for them
Receiving Gifts – love expressed by simple gifts; give your partners only the things they would appreciate and you can afford
- Give them flowers
- Send them packages
- Buy them their favorite shirts/shoes
- Be artsy—give them love cards
- Give them shopping vouchers
- Surprise them with an adopted pet
- Give them chocolates
- Give them a box of makeup
- Surprise them with a gaming console
Quality Time – love expressed by giving time and undivided attention
- Regular date schedules
- Out of town/country vacations
- Watching a movie together
- Watching Netflix together
- Jogging in the morning together
- Bake or cook together
- Have a road trip
- Have late night strolls
- Initiate video calls if LDR
Physical Touch – love shown literally by physical touch; is he a hugger? Does he want a bit of PDA?
- Give them hugs
- Kiss them goodbye/good night
- Hold their hand when you walk together
- Kiss the top of their head
- Hug them when you sleep
- Do a slow dance with them
- Cuddle with them
- Massage their back
It’s not always about “I love yous”. Sometimes, it’s better that we express our love the way our partner wants to be loved. It’s a commitment and you need to meet halfway to make it really work.
Hope this helps! How do you want to be loved? Let me know in the comments!